I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Randomize
