If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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