i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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