I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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