4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize