your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
