I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
