Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
