How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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