5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
