Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
