do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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