how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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