i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
