How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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