Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
