I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Randomize
