Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
