I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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