The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
