david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
