Michael Bay diarrhea
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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