Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
