I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
