..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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