the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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