You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
