I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
