I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
