you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We left the knife in your bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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