He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
