the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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