how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
