Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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