Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
