I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
