So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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