do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
