just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
