it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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