what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I deserve this hangover.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
