Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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