Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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