What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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