so explain again why im purple
no
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's never too late to be topless.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
