I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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