Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
