guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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