I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
