Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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