The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
