Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
