took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
