THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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