Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
