My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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