i permit you to call me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
