just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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