he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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