The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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