Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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