Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
