Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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