New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
