well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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