guys are only as good as the porn they watch
where does the pee come out of this thing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
