I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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