Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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