i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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