Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
