A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
