Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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