I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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