i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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