you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
