I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
