I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
